Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
