you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
