I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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