Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
