if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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