why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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