i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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