We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
