I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
