I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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