I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
