I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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