tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
