just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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