she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
