i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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