I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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