dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
