Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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