Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
