I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
