I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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