i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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