We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
