I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
