cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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