In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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