I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
