thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
