I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
