Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
