I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
