I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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