Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
