they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
