No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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