I could have mohawked her pubes.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
