So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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