You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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