I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
