why didn't you poke me back
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
