life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
