you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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