Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My vagina is officially offended.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
