Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Why can't burritos get me drunk
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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