yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
