My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
