Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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