Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
