Moan for me like Helen Keller
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
