Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
