At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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