I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
